Saturday, April 29, 2006

I found this on another blog and I really liked it...

43 Year Old Very Wise INFP Guy TELLS IT LIKE IT IS

What is it like to be an INFP?

He says:

Here is what I hear:

* Think too much
* Not focused
* Can get into head trips
* Literal learner/thinker(meaning you have to spell it out if it starts getting too abstract like chemistry.)
* Always late
* Stare into space
* Not good understanding other's motives(am a sucker for what looks like honest emotion and am manipulated this way.)
* Have a sense of wonder
* Nice person -genuine
* great moderator
* brown nose
* sensitive -- "must be gay" (am not)
* petty
* opinionated but fair-minded(tolerant)
* He is a good guy
* Have a hard time asking for what is mine

Am an INFP adoptee. Talk about confusing trying to learn who you are. Adopted parents tested, are ENFJ and INFJ. Birthparents I believe are INFP (bmom) and INTP (bfather), but with a lot of childhood damage that was never fixed so they are a bit strange to me.

With my adopted parents I felt like I was raised in bootcamp, hut hut hut. Those J's are tyrannical. Along with the T's ....

Someone else mentioned it was not ok to be themselves in their family. This was me also. I became an ENTJ to be ok growing up. Didn't have a clue who I was until late my 20's (thank god I waited until 40 to get married, I would have been divorced twice by now.) Was popular in high school. Was the one popular person who also identified with the outcasts. Seemed to find what everyone had in common and build on that. Started work in Corporate America. Got fired -- was too honest when the blame bottle spinned on me (honesty is NOT the best policy in the working world -- lesson learned. Another thing I took literally in school.) If I lie I am the one who gets caught. Wife is an INFP. I recommend this if you want to be understood -- especially if you spent your childhood trying to be someone else to be accepted (also an adoptee theme.)

Can relate to the guy who talked about team sports being somewhat of a struggle. The team bonding thing is so much easier if you are an extroverted non sensitive man. Also, I dated many women. I always found they liked me and said what a great father I would be ... Did this matter to them? In large part no. They still married -- or got excited about -- the alpha, non emotional, screw them in business, have an affair-but-you-get-a-big-lifesyle guys. I listen to some of them complain about their husbands now but I don't feel sorry for them. They wanted that. This lead me to learn to change the people I hang out with. I agree with someone who said find people who appreciate you for you. That is a great demonstration of good self esteem and one that took me until I was 40.

It is not easy being married to someone who is like you in terms of sexual chemistry. I find the sexual attraction thing more with other personality types -- the women T's and J's. But this I learned had more to do with my associating intimacy with rejection (or someone not getting me.) The sparks were not as bright with my wife at first, but man, we are friends through everything. I think that is the healthier way to go. Definitely not what you'd see on Oprah. Forget what our culture says about you "just knowing." It is bullcrap coffee table stuff. I know people who said that and got divorced a few years later. Essentially they married their opposites, it didn't last. The gulf was too wide. Either that or their marriages didn't look like anything more than lifestyle/economnic arrangements.

I would say heaven and earth are themes for me. Trying to balance the practical with the spiritual. Oh how I envy those who are comfortable not asking the big questions!! Sometimes I wish I could just go on with my life like they do and work, accumulate, then die, without ever having to get my brain messy. Instead I am absorbed with "what did that mean?" over and over.

Still I wouldn't trade my INFP status. I think the rest of the population needs us to bring things from unreality into reality. We are that bridge. To my way of thinking it makes them all drones.
I found a way to make money in a niche advertising business where I am my own boss. I don't have to dress up, impress a boss, show up for meetings on time or kiss anyone's a**. I recommend this if you can find it. I think INFP's are sort of scapegoated in groups at work.

Peace to you all


At 4:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read about it some days ago in another blog and the main things that you mention here are very similar


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